Tired in the waiting

Photo by Annie Spratt

Those of you who know me well know that I've been going through a mid-life crisis of sorts.  (No, I haven't gone out and bought a red sports car...yet...)  After a season of ministry, I am in a season of waiting, wondering, dreaming and praying about what I will do next for my career.  I haven't just been sitting around.  I have been momming, writing, editing, teaching and serving.  I am loving all of these experiences, and I can see God working in all of them. These "mini-callings" are shaping me and growing me for my next career, I am sure.

But, I can't help the wanting-to-know.  I am patient, but only for so long, and then I just wish that God would spell it out for me.  Like, if he'd hire a sky-writer and write it across the sky, that would be good enough for me.  :)  I keep having these moments where I think I've figured it out, along with the many reasons God has asked me to wait.  I feel like it will be a huge "aha" moment where I will know why God chose that path for me.  But, maybe it won't be.  It's hard to tell.  Those couple of false starts recently have caused me to realize that sometimes God just calls us to wait.  Not only to wait, but to be content in the waiting.  To pray for contentment if we don't have it, and to rest in knowing that he has it all in his timing.

This week, two verses popped up in my life about this topic.  As Margaret Feinberg so aptly put it, this is the "sacred echo,"  when God repeats something in several ways or places in our lives.  The first was this verse from the Message version of Romans 8:26-28,

"Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along.  If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter.  He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.  He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God.  That's why we can be so sure that every detail of our lives of love for God is worked into something good." 

I love the part where we get tired in the waiting and God's spirit is right alongside of us, helping us along. He knows our wordless sighs, our aches and groans, and turns them into prayers. How many times have we come before God not even knowing what to say?  We lay our hearts out before him and the Spirit prays for us.  The spirit keeps us present before God.

The last line captivates me, knowing that every detail of my life of love for God is worked into something good.  I may not be doing something huge for him at the moment, but every little detail of my life is something he can use for His glory.  How amazing is that?

The other echo came during a leadership class at church last night.  Our pastor reminded us that we just need to keep going while we are waiting.  Waiting is not a passive thing, where we get to just lie down on the job.  No.  We can do as the Psalmist wrote in chapter five, verse three:

"In the morning, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait expectantly."  

I will choose to wait expectantly.  I will pray and wait and dream big dreams for God.  And in the waiting, I will move and act and serve and be and do.

I am tired in the waiting, but I will wait expectantly, Lord, with palms outstretched and the eyes of my heart wide open.